Never will I ever

24 Nov

When I envisioned this blog, I saw myself developing chirpy, whimsical updates from the front lines of Mommyworld on a daily basis.  Heck, maybe sometimes twice a day.

What the first 1.87 months of being a parent have taught me is that nothing, and I do mean nothing goes to plan.  Ever.  And that’s ok.

A rag-tag list of case(s) in point:

  1. The baby books:  oh, the baby books.  I had plans to read (and follow) the baby books verbatim.  Well, news flash.  There is no such thing as a “one size fits all” baby.  And the first months you have your head so far under water that you do everything you possibly can to figure out your little bundle… whether or not it is  “by the book”.  Nice try.  Sidenote:  I never actually finished the books, but I’m pleased to say I did crack the spine on the Baby Whisperer.
  2. Work:   I am lucky enough to get a full year off work, a fortune that not everyone has access to.  In spite of that, I had every single intention of following up on all of my ongoing work projects while on leave.  The reality is that I have little to no desire to open my e-mail, much less respond.  Don’t get me wrong – I miss my job every single day; but, I just have more important things to do.  Like laundry.  And dishes.  And bottles.  And feeding the long-suffering cats.  And feeding me.  You get the point.
  3. Breastfeeding Driving home from work one hot summer afternoon, the topic of carpool conversation wandered to breastfeeding.  Why I decided to discuss breastfeeding with my MALE coworker is beyond me, as are pretty much all conversations I had during the last 3 months of pregnancy.  I digress.  I vehemently exclaimed that I would exclusively breastfeed my child until at least one year of age.  It was a real blow to me when I couldn’t.  Some people’s faucets just don’t turn on all the way.  Repeat after me:  it is NOT the end of the world. 
  4. Weight gain / weight loss:  The doctors and the books tell you the appropriate amount of weight to gain during pregnancy.  Well, take that number and double it and I am right there.  An avid runner pre-baby, I had big plans of immediately stepping back into my running shoes and being back on track by at LEAST this point in post-partum time.  The reality?  When you are dealing with sleepless nights, milk supply issues and being the sole child care provider for at least 8 to 10 hours a day, the hardest person to focus on is yourself.  I suspect the road back will be long.  These days, my exercise comprises strolls to the local Starbucks where the barista’s know my child by name, and turns around the mall.  The only thing getting a workout is my wallet.
  5. Your partner and you:  Where to begin, where to begin…  You think that you and your partner should be closer than ever.  After all, it was your very love (and a $10 bottle of wine) that made this little packet of preciousness.  Well, you will love and hate your partner more in those first few weeks than you have ever in your entire relationship.  Cuddling with the baby in front of the hockey game?  Love.  Declaring it is bedtime because they need a “fully night’s sleep” to go to work the next day during a late night screamfest?  Red hot burning hate.  Your rapid love / hate about faces will confuse the poor person to the point where they wondered where that multi-tasking, flat-stomached, ambitious Wonder Woman they married went, and how much ransom they have to pay to get her back.  

More than half way through the “fourth trimester”, I would like to tell you things are getting better.  Things are getting different.  Things are running smoother.  I eat three square meals a day, and have at least 1 hour a night to myself.  But do I ever achieve what I have planned to do in a day?  Rarely.  You get used to it.  And it’s all good.


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